A few days back, a friend of mine offended me. That shouldn’t have been a big deal. People offend me every time and I do the same to them too; unintentionally, of course. :)
But this one was different. Rather than just letting it go, which is what I usually do, I took it very seriously and personally. I sat down to think, “Is it that this person didn’t know that doing something THIS STUPID would be hurtful?” The more I thought about it, the more offended I got.
At a point, I stopped thinking about what happened in the past and started thinking about how I was going to make him feel the same way he made me feel; revenge, basically. I came up with elaborate details on how I was going to do just the same thing to him and make sure he felt as bad as I did.
Then it dawned on me. At this point in thought, I had lost both good friendship etiquette and Christian morals.
I then decided to “go back in time” in my thought process to the very beginning: to when I was offended.
Taking another route to approaching this situation – because I was very jobless at the time, and thinking about possible outcomes is one of my greatest hobbies :) – I decided that it might be impossible to objectively analyse everything that happened. I was hurt; objectivity had already gone out the window! My best idea was then to proffer solutions for the future that would prevent such incidents from reoccurring.
I decided that rather than focusing on myself, I should be more concerned with not offending other people. Naturally, my ideology was that if I offended him less often, he would have no reason to offend me. So I carefully took note of the things I found offensive and agreed not to do them or say them to anyone.
This was my sure-fire way of maintain a friction-free relationship. :D
Or was it? :/
But this one was different. Rather than just letting it go, which is what I usually do, I took it very seriously and personally. I sat down to think, “Is it that this person didn’t know that doing something THIS STUPID would be hurtful?” The more I thought about it, the more offended I got.
At a point, I stopped thinking about what happened in the past and started thinking about how I was going to make him feel the same way he made me feel; revenge, basically. I came up with elaborate details on how I was going to do just the same thing to him and make sure he felt as bad as I did.
Then it dawned on me. At this point in thought, I had lost both good friendship etiquette and Christian morals.
I then decided to “go back in time” in my thought process to the very beginning: to when I was offended.
Taking another route to approaching this situation – because I was very jobless at the time, and thinking about possible outcomes is one of my greatest hobbies :) – I decided that it might be impossible to objectively analyse everything that happened. I was hurt; objectivity had already gone out the window! My best idea was then to proffer solutions for the future that would prevent such incidents from reoccurring.
I decided that rather than focusing on myself, I should be more concerned with not offending other people. Naturally, my ideology was that if I offended him less often, he would have no reason to offend me. So I carefully took note of the things I found offensive and agreed not to do them or say them to anyone.
This was my sure-fire way of maintain a friction-free relationship. :D
Or was it? :/
See, many times, there’s this very limited way of thinking that tells you that how you see things is the best way to see them. Very often, you could be wrong. Other people have slightly different perspectives from you on every topic. The only way to interact with people effectively is to see things from their point of view.
Guaranteed, their point of view won’t always make sense to you. At times, it might seem like COMPLETE HOGWASH in fact. Unless you see things from their point of view, however, you will never be able to understand why they are acting in a particular way toward you. This empathy, in sociology, is called Verstehen.
Guaranteed, their point of view won’t always make sense to you. At times, it might seem like COMPLETE HOGWASH in fact. Unless you see things from their point of view, however, you will never be able to understand why they are acting in a particular way toward you. This empathy, in sociology, is called Verstehen.
"Verstehen is a German word meaning to 'understand in a deep way' that also refers to an approach within sociology. In this approach, when a researcher aims to understand another person's experience, he can try to put himself in the other person's shoes."
- Study.com
When you adopt this approach, you’ll find out that there are things you’re comfortable with that your friend isn’t. This will really go a long way in developing your relationship with that person.
Most importantly, however, and I learnt this from a friend too, you must learn to forgive and overlook. People, just like you, do very stupid and thoughtless things many times! They don’t always deliberately take out time to plan and hurt you. How important do you think you are? Learn to move on.
In conclusion:
- Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. (Matthew 7:12; Luke 6:31)
- Verstehen; for this is how God relates with man. (Hebrew 4:13-16; Psalm 103:13-14)
- Forgive and overlook. (Ephesians 4:32; Matthew 6:14-15)
Tomorrow, I write the last two papers for the semester. YAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!
Do keep me in your prayers; as usual. :)
Remember to “like” and share with all the lovely friends you have. :D
Have a wonderful and blessed Sunday.
See you tomorrow. :)